You can’t make this up. You wouldn’t want to.
August 2022. Cummins Darlington. A man – me, by all accounts, just diagnosed with depression and anxiety – sits down and writes to Gemma Penk from HR the most honest thing you’ll ever read inside a Fortune 500 machine. Not a grievance. Not a legal notice. A fucking plea.
I didn’t use buzzwords. I didn’t need to. I’m in it. “low mood, lethargy, not enjoying things I used to, being overly sensitive or overreacting to things” Dark nights. Panic mornings. Chest tight, mind heavier. Still shows up.
And for what?
To be told, in effect:
“Get better, but not on our time.”
The Email
“I’ve rang the sick line today. I’m really not coping well at all with any of this.”
Let’s not sugar-coat it. I was broken. And still explaining. Still fighting the instinct to apologise to the people trying to shove me out the door.
“To tell me whilst I’m suffering depression that my efforts are a waste is quite cruel.”
I’d been left off sign-off sheets.. Told – unofficially, off-the-record, coldly – maybe I should leave with a golden handshake.
It’s not subtle. It’s not support. It’s strategy.
The Nature Of The Beast
Cummins will tell you they care. They’ll slap a rainbow logo on your payslip in June. They’ll hold a mental health “awareness” day. They’ll roll out an EAP line you’re too scared to call.
But when the mask slips, here’s what you see:
- “Without prejudice” talks before your health’s even assessed
- Meetings scheduled before medical reviews
- Ghosting, gaslighting, legal choreography
They play well-being theatre. And workers like me? They’re just another cost to manage.
The Kill Move
“What can occupational health do when you’ve already made up your mind not to support me?”
Exactly.
I tried to come back. Fast. Too fast. Because I wanted to prove I wasn’t what they were painting me as.
I didn’t know the story was already written.
The result? Predictable. Quiet. Professional. Brutal.
I was fired. Depressed, recovering, trying – and fired. I hadn’t returned to work since the email, but was fired for other things, of course. Insubordination. Tone in emails. Tweets made from the depths of despair and quickly deleted, made knowing what was unfolding (and after the disciplinary letter had already landed)
Why Tell This Now?
Because there are thousands like me still inside these systems. Shuffling between break rooms and HR meetings and antidepressants. Too scared to talk. Too broke to quit. Too exhausted to fight.
This one fought.
This one documented.
This one gave you a front-row seat to the sanitised cruelty of corporate “care.”
Read the email contents.
Let it land.
Then look at Cummins’ DEI pledges and try not to vomit.
The Reality
It’s easy to run well-being campaigns when no one actually needs help. Easy to tweet support for Mental Health Awareness Week. To hand out lanyards. To fund workshops.
It’s much harder to stand by someone when their symptoms are inconvenient.
“My job has been the main thing that’s driven me to get help… I want to prove that when I’m well, I’m a good employee.”
I never got that chance.
Lee Thompson, Founder – The Cummins Accountability Project
The Email
Hi Gemma
I’ve rang the sick line today I’m really not coping well at all with any of this. I think trying to enter discussions to oust me from my position whilst I’m being treated for and trying to recover from severe depression was horrendous and has really knocked me for six. I am trying my best to get treated for my health conditions so that I can become a reliable employee and to essentially tell me whilst I’m suffering depression that my efforts are a waste is quite cruel. Add to that the decision meeting bizarrely being set up before a occupational health appointment before I flagged it and even things that seem trivial like my name being omitted from team sign off sheets and I feel absolutely unsupported, isolated, like an outsider that you’re trying to oust. I asked for the sal3 minutes and was ignored and wanted them for my occ health appointment. The support offered was ignored on the shop floor. I’ve been feeling low since we met on Tuesday and I’ve been anxious all weekend about this occupational health meeting because I feel like the decision is already made and predetermined, you didn’t even take any advice on my health before trying to enter without prejudice talks. I was starting to feel better and I’m struggling and overwhelmed because of all of this. I’ve been diagnosed with depression and had 2 weeks off where other’s have several months for the same. I made a real effort to return to work as quickly as possible and I essentially got told I wasn’t wanted. What can occupational health do when you’ve already made up your mind not to support me and to try and oust me? I like my job and want to be given the opportunity to show that I can work whilst recovering and I feel like I’m been purposely kicked whilst I’m down. I haven’t suddenly got a bout of depression a few weeks ago, I’ve been suffering for a number of years and never really understood because of the ways it’s manifested. I always associated it with sadness and it wasn’t obvious that low mood, lethargy, not enjoying things I used, being overly sensitive or overreacting to things were all symptoms. Getting treatment and asking for help has been a big step for me and I feel like depression has been an underlying cause for a lot of issues I’ve faced and perhaps contributed to me not being reliable whereas my record will show I once was reliable. I was starting to feel better than I had for ages when I returned and to not be supported or my efforts to get better acknowledged at this time has hurt me and made me feel even worse. I feel like the occ health appointment is a waste of time and that you’ve already made your mind up. I’ve worried for days that I need to go in there and say things to try and change your mind instead of it being about supporting me. I woke up today and just felt completely overwhelmed about it and think I’ve been treated insensitively over this. I understand the company growing impatient with me but I am getting treated and getting help and would have appreciated being given the opportunity to see the results of that treatment rather than told whilst I’m depressed that you want me to leave. It was completely inappropriate and perhaps thought should have been given to my wellbeing as to whether holding that meeting at that time would adversely affect my health. It has and I feel like might have been intentional. It was a big setback and made me feel worse, that was obviously foreseeable and the result helps create a narrative that I’m incapable of my duties, whereas had I returned to a supportive environment and I wouldn’t have been so down and feeling overwhelmed and that would make your desired decision trickier. I’m sorry if this has turned into a rant I just feel like I need to justify why I’m struggling at the minute because of it. It weighs heavy on me that I’m not considered reliable and I feel the disdain from others who think I’m not taking my job seriously because I do take my job seriously and that disdain has made me feel even more down so I’ve been in a bit of a vicious circle in that respect. My job has been the main thing that’s driven me to get help, because I know I need to improve and don’t want to jeopardise my job and I want to prove that when I’m well I’m a good employee. I haven’t purposely turned into a problem, and the diagnosis for depression makes a lot of things make sense retrospectively. Perhaps I’ve waited too late to get help and my bridges are burned but that meeting last Tuesday has taken me from feeling good about getting help and being optimistic about turning over a new leaf to thinking nobody believes that I’m unwell or making a genuine effort to get well, or that I’m a lost cause. The treatment becomes a little bit ineffective when you’re made to feel unwanted whereas with support this could be/have been a turning point. Addressing this and getting back to feeling like my old self and you would see vast improvement, because despite misconceptions I care about my job and want to get better so I can do it properly. I also think the company could improve by offering support from the outset in cases like these because the decision meeting process is a LOT of stress to place on somebody that’s already struggling and can (and has) adversely affect recovery. I would even go as far as to suggest that the process itself could be adapted in some way so as to prevent the huge anxiety build up that this holding this kind of meeting causes. It’s obviously going to be counter-productive to anybody trying to recover from anxiety or similar. Just my thoughts anyway. Sorry for the lack of paragraphs.
Kind regards
Lee Thompson