Ce-UnPac'd : Subway - The Shit Sandwich of Scandals - The Cummins Accountability Project

Subway. The name conjures images of fresh veggies, lean meats, and the promise of a healthier fast-food option. But behind the admittedly great Italian BMT and the cheerful green and yellow logo lies a company that’s been embroiled in more scandals than a politician at a strip club. From spokespeople with a penchant for the perverse to sandwiches that might as well be made of sawdust, Subway’s history is a masterclass in corporate fuckery. So, let’s peel back the layers of this shit sandwich and see what’s really inside.

Jared Fogle: From Poster Boy to Predator

Remember Jared? The guy who lost a ton of weight eating Subway and became the face of the brand? Turns out, he was also a fan of something far more sinister: child pornography and sex tourism. In 2015, the FBI raided his home, and the truth came tumbling out like a poorly wrapped sub. Fogle pleaded guilty to traveling to engage in illicit sexual conduct with a minor and distributing and receiving child pornography. He was sentenced to over 15 years in prison, and Subway was left scrambling to distance itself from the man who’d been its golden boy for over a decade.

But here’s the kicker: there were whispers about Fogle’s behaviour long before the feds came knocking. In 2007, a journalist recorded him making lewd comments about kids, and Subway allegedly knew but did fuck all. It wasn’t until the evidence was undeniable that they cut ties. The whole mess was a PR nightmare, and Subway’s half-arsed apologies did little to quell the outrage. The brand’s association with a convicted paedophile is a stain that won’t wash out, no matter how many “fresh” subs they sling.

Tuna or Not Tuna? That Is the Question

If you thought the Fogle scandal was the worst of it, think again. In 2021, a lawsuit claimed that Subway’s tuna wasn’t actually tuna at all. Lab tests found it was a “mixture of various concoctions,” with some samples showing no tuna DNA whatsoever – just traces of chicken, pork, and cattle. Subway insisted their tuna is “high-quality, premium, and 100% real”, even launching a website to defend their fishy claims. The lawsuit was dismissed in 2023 after the plaintiff withdrew, but the stench lingers like day-old seafood.

When you’re paying for tuna, you expect tuna, not some Frankenstein’s monster of mystery meat. The fact that Subway had to trot out PR statements and legal manoeuvres speaks volumes. It’s the kind of bullshit that makes you wonder what else they’re hiding in those “healthy” subs.

Chicken: Half Bird, Half Bullshit

Speaking of mystery meat, let’s talk about Subway’s chicken. In 2017, a CBC Marketplace investigation found that their oven-roasted chicken contained only 53.6% chicken DNA, with the rest being soy filler. The chicken strips? A pathetic 42.8%. Subway disputed the findings, claiming their own tests showed less than 1% soy, and sued the CBC for $210 million in defamation. The lawsuit dragged on, with no clear resolution by 2025, but the damage was done.

So, what’s in the other half? The hopes and dreams of franchisees? The tears of underpaid workers? Or just a heap of soy-based lies? Whatever it is, it’s not what you signed up for when you ordered a chicken sub. Subway’s response – deny, deflect, and litigate – is straight out of the corporate playbook, but it doesn’t change the fact that their chicken is about as authentic as a three-dollar bill.

The Footlong That Wasn’t

In 2013, an Australian teenager posted a photo of his Subway “footlong” sub, which measured a measly 11 inches. The internet lost its shit, and soon, lawsuits were flying faster than you can say “false advertising.” Media outlets like the New York Post confirmed the discrepancies, and class-action suits claimed Subway deceived customers. The courts decided the variance was minor and due to baking, and Subway settled for about $500,000, promising to ensure their footlongs hit 12 inches.

It’s almost quaint compared to the other scandals, but it’s still a testament to Subway’s disregard for accuracy. If you can’t trust them to deliver a full foot of sandwich, what else are they short-changing you on? It’s petty bullshit that makes you question everything about the brand.

Yoga Mat Bread: A Chemical Shitstorm

In 2014, food blogger Vani Hari revealed that Subway’s bread contained azodicarbonamide, a chemical also found in yoga mats and shoe soles. It makes bread fluffier, sure, but it’s also linked to asthma and other health issues. The public backlash was swift and brutal, with petitions demanding Subway ditch it. They did, phasing it out by April 2014, but why the fuck was it in there to begin with?

This is how disconnected fast food can be from actual food. When your bread shares ingredients with gym equipment, you’ve got a problem. Subway’s quick action is commendable, but it doesn’t erase the fact that they were using it in the first place. Convenience over quality – and health – every damn time.

Screwing Over Immigrant Workers

As if the food scandals weren’t enough, Subway’s also been accused of mistreating its workers. In 2024, allegations surfaced that San Francisco franchises were paying immigrant workers below minimum wage – sometimes as little as $14 an hour in cash, with no pay stubs – and denying them bathroom breaks during 10-hour shifts. These workers, many vulnerable and undocumented, were allegedly exploited by franchise owners looking to cut costs, as reported by NBC News.

This is grim, human-cost shit that often gets overlooked in fast food. Subway hides behind its franchise model, claiming no responsibility, but that’s a cop-out. When your brand’s on the door, you’re accountable for what happens inside. These allegations, still under investigation in 2025, remind us that behind every cheap sub is a workforce often overworked and underpaid.

The Bigger Picture: A Rotten Core

Subway’s litany of scandals isn’t just a series of unfortunate events; it’s a symptom of a deeper rot in the fast-food industry. When profit trumps product quality and human decency, you get a company that’ll cut corners, exploit workers, and serve up mystery meat masquerading as tuna. That Subway still runs over 20,000 locations worldwide despite this shitshow is a testament to branding – and our short memories.

But Subway’s not alone. The fast-food industry thrives on cheap labour, questionable ingredients, and marketing spin. Subway’s just the one with the most skeletons in its walk-in fridge. So, next time you’re tempted by that “fresh” sub, think twice: you might be biting into more than you bargained for.

Lee Thompson – Founder, The Cummins Accoutability Project

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Ce-UnPac’d : Subway – The Shit Sandwich of Scandals