Aberdeen Group. Or abrdn. Or whatever the hell they’re pretending to be now. A name like a typo on a bar tab, vowels spilled out like spilled gin. This outfit’s been around two centuries, but it stinks of fresh failure, the kind that sticks to your shoes after a long night in a dive where the lights flicker and the deals go bad.

The Rebranding Fiasco: A Typo That Stank of Desperation

They thought dropping letters would make them sleek. Modern. Bullshit. It was a joke, a punchline the City whispered over stale coffee. The press piled on, and one of their suits cried “bullying” in 2024, like a kid caught with his hand in the till. By 2025, they slunk back to “Aberdeen”, admitting the mess. Too late. The damage sat there, ugly and unavoidable.

Historical Screw-Ups: The Split Capital Trusts Swamp

Back in the early 2000s, their old skin – Aberdeen Asset Management – wallowed in the split capital trusts swamp. Pitched as safe, like a sure bet at the track. But geared up, cross-holding, a house of cards waiting for the wind. It blew. Billions gone. They managed the wrecks, one needing a £6 million shove to stay afloat. MPs snarled about the “unacceptable face of capitalism”. Probes, claims, compensation. Investors bled dry. The firm shrugged, kept walking.

Misleading the Masses: The Pension Fund Poison

In 2010, Standard Life – another piece of this puzzle – got fined £2.45 million. Pension Sterling Fund, sold as cash-safe, stuffed with mortgage poison from the ’08 crash. Dropped 4.7%. Customers screamed. Regulator called it systems failure. Deceptive. They paid up, but the trust? Shattered like a bottle on concrete.

Client Money Mishaps: Shadows Hiding the Cheats

By 2013, they were fined £7.2 million again. Failed to fence off client money, 2008 to 2012. Rules ignored, billions exposed if the ship sank. They cooperated, got a discount. Big deal. Negligence in bad lighting, the kind where shadows hide the cheats.

Leadership Turmoil: Bird’s Factory Floor Fumble

Stephen Bird took the helm from 2020 to 2024. Stormed in, slashed bonuses, cut jobs. Merger from ’17 – Standard Life and Aberdeen – supposed to be muscle, turned flab. Outflows, underperformance, clients bolting. Eleven deals under him, assets still shrinking. Staff grumbled in the corners. He quit amid the noise, shares limp. A tenure like a bad shift in a factory, oil-slicked floors and no end in sight.

Charity Betrayal: Gutting the Do-Gooders

In June 2025, they gutted the board of their pet outfit, Abrdn Financial Fairness Trust. CEO and trustees gone, no warning. Allegedly over research on poverty, inequality, tax dodges that pissed off clients. City types howled. Independence? A joke. Corporate fist in the pie, twisting what didn’t suit.

Losing Big: Contracts Vanishing Like Smoke

In 2025, Phoenix yanked a contract, £20 billion vanished. Another trust teetering on £1 billion loss, underperforming like a drunk at the wheel. Advice arm dropped £30 million in value before sale. In 2020, ditched Boohoo over sweatshop claims – ethical cover for shitty homework.

The Cummins Connection: Grime Finding Grime

And Cummins. Of course. Aberdeen’s in, bumped their stake 13.9% with 22,751 shares, holdings around $61 million. Confirmed. Just another controversial stitch in the Cummins tapestry. Its own pile of dirt – emissions fiddles, worker gripes, supply chain nightmares, and who knows what else to be found by TCAP. Grime to grime. They fit right in, propping up the mess with paper-thin ethics.

This isn’t a firm. It’s a stagger through the alley, picking up bruises. Scandals like cigarette burns on a countertop. Investors deserve better, but hell, in this game, they rarely get it. The grind goes on, oil, smoke, and indifference.

Lee Thompson – Founder, The Cummins Accountability Project

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