Cummins’ newest recruit doesn’t eat, sleep, or unionise. His name is Willy Workhorse, and he’s everything the company loves in a human being: tireless, cheerful, and entirely fictional.
Willy’s story is familiar – because it’s every “From Placement to Professional” or “Life At The Company” piece they’ve ever published, or will publish. Welded together in a high-vis collage of buzzwords. He believes in “collaboration”, speaks in “values”, and hasn’t seen a real payslip since onboarding. His biggest weakness? Caring too much about “innovation”.
Each morning, Willy wakes at 5 a.m. to hybrid-work his way into greatness, balancing a “young family” (two stock-photo children, one golden retriever) with “hands-on testing” in a lab that somehow never reports defects. He finishes every day fulfilled, hydrated, and unaware that the rest of us are counting lawsuits, not hashtags.
Cummins’ press office calls him an inspiration. They’re right – he inspires fatigue. Another smiling face to distract from fines, recalls, and the company’s expanding list of “learning opportunities”.
If you’ve met one graduate engineer in a Cummins feature, you’ve met them all.
Willy just saves them the trouble of writing a new name next time.
Lee Thompson – Founder, The Cummins Accountability Project