(Director’s Cut – Wellness Edition)
Willy Workhorse finally got his adjustments.
Not demands.
Not accommodations.
Adjustments.
Approved by:
- The Department of Proactive Care
- The Office of Strategic Compassion
- The Emotional Efficiency Enablement Committee (EEEC)
- And Legal, standing quietly in the corner like a sniper.
It began with lighting.
Willy had asked for softer lights because the fluorescents made his skull feel like it was being tenderised by corporate optimism.
Facilities responded within statutory timeframes.
They installed brighter lights.
Not just bright — interrogation-suite bright. The kind of light that exposes sins you haven’t committed yet.
An email followed:
“Enhanced illumination deployed to support neurological resilience and productivity equity.”
Hope this helps 🌈
Willy developed migraines with KPIs.
Next came meetings.
Willy had asked for shorter meetings. Fewer voices. Less sensory pile-on.
The Office of Strategic Compassion approved a revised structure:
- The Pre-Meeting Alignment Sync
- The Core Alignment Meeting
- The Post-Meeting Alignment Debrief
- And a Optional Mandatory Follow-Up
Same room.
Same people.
New caffeine dependency.
This was logged as:
“Reduction in cognitive uncertainty through layered dialogue.”
By 10:11am, Willy’s nervous system had sent its resignation letter.
Then came paperwork.
Willy had quietly admitted that forms during relapse were overwhelming.
The EEEC acted swiftly.
They introduced:
- RA-Form Alpha: Emotional Baseline Declaration
- RA-Form Beta: Emotional Fluctuation Risk Log
- RA-Form Gamma: Emotional Impact on Team Throughput
- RA-Form Delta: Forward-Looking Commitment to Healing
Each form required:
- Manager signoff
- HR countersignoff
- Wellness validation
- And Legal’s interpretation of Willy’s future mental health intentions
One form asked:
“On a scale of 1–10, how accountable do you plan to be next quarter?”
Willy ticked “7” and was advised to reflect on why he didn’t choose 9.
Then came the quiet space.
Willy asked for somewhere less intense when overstimulated.
Facilities relocated him beside:
- The industrial shredder
- The bulk printer
- The hydration station that screams when empty
- And the new Collaboration Gong, installed by the Culture Impact Team
The gong was struck every time someone said:
alignment, synergy, recovery, resilience, or authentic
The record was twelve gongs in ten minutes.
An internal memo celebrated this as:
“High-energy proximity seating encouraging adaptive engagement.”
Willy’s soul began logging out of Outlook.
At the end came the Obstacle Course Review Panel.
In attendance:
- HR
- Legal
- Wellness
- DEI
- Operations
- EEEC
- And a silent observer from People Risk Containment
A slide appeared.
✅ Enhanced Neurological Visibility
✅ Expanded Communication Architecture
✅ Accountable Healing Framework
✅ Energetic Collaboration Environment
HR folded her hands.
“Well, Willy… do you feel supported now?”
Legal adjusted their pen.
Wellness leaned forward like a life coach in a hostage video.
DEI nodded in solidarity with something.
Operations checked the time.
Willy remembered:
- Dennis in Recovery
- The Weekend Warrior
- The Sick Call Blues
- And the flower bouquet with the compliance barcode attached
He felt the weight of every smiling initiative sitting gently on his lungs.
“Yes,” Willy said softly.
Because “no” wasn’t an available dropdown option.
Three weeks later, Willy entered Reintegration Phase Red.
HR sent flowers again.
The card read:
“Proud of your courage. Please complete the attached Return-to-Strength Pack.”
Inside was:
- A recovery declaration
- A performance optimism pledge
- And RA-Form Epsilon:
“What did you learn about yourself during your absence?”
Somewhere, in a glass meeting room, the Executive Wellbeing Dashboard ticked from amber to green.
The system had healed.
Willy had not
Lee Thompson – Founder, The Cummins Accountability Project