Ce-UnPac'd Special : Tesco Part One - Cooked Books, Horse Meat and Modern Slavery

You think you know Tesco? That fluorescent-lit temple of convenience where you grab your bog roll and a cheeky bottle of plonk on the way home? Think again, my friends. Behind those shiny aisles and Clubcard points lies a festering pit of corporate greed, betrayal, and human misery that’d make your stomach turn faster uncooked horsemeat masquerading as beef. This isn’t just about a few bad apples; this is about a broken system, where profit trumps people, and the truth is buried under a mountain of bullshit. Welcome to the dark side of Britain’s biggest supermarket.

Book-Cooking Greedy Bastards

Let’s start with the numbers, because in the world of big business, it always comes down to the numbers. In 2014, Tesco got caught with its hand so deep in the cookie jar it might as well have been fisting it. The scandal? Overstating profits by a cool £326 million. That’s not a typo, and it’s not pocket change. We’re talking about a deliberate, calculated lie to investors, shareholders, and the public, all to keep the illusion of success alive. They cooked the books like a Michelin-star chef on meth, booking income from suppliers too early and delaying payments like a deadbeat dad dodging child support. When the truth came out, Tesco’s share price tanked, wiping £2 billion off its value overnight. Eight execs were suspended, including the UK boss, Chris Bush, who probably thought he was untouchable. The Serious Fraud Office and the Financial Conduct Authority swooped in, slapping Tesco with a £129 million fine and forcing them to cough up £85 million to compensate investors. Total cost? A whopping £235 million in exceptional charges. But here’s the kicker: no one went to jail. Not a single soul. The FCA even admitted the board probably didn’t know about the dodgy August 2014 trading statement. So, who’s accountable? The faceless corporation, that’s who. Tesco apologised, of course, like a naughty schoolboy caught nicking sweets, promising to do better. But the damage was done. Trust, like virginity, is hard to get back once it’s gone.

Horse Meat: A Betrayal You Can Taste

Now, let’s talk about what you’re putting in your gob. Remember 2013? The year Tesco served up a scandal so vile it made you question every bite you’d ever taken. Horse meat. In your beef. Not a trace, not a whisper, but up to 100% horse meat in some products. One Tesco burger was found to be 29% horse, and their Everyday Value Spaghetti Bolognese? A stomach-churning 60% horse in some cases. This wasn’t a one-off; it was a Europe-wide shitshow, with products across the continent testing positive for equine DNA. Tesco’s market value plummeted by €360 million, and sales of frozen burgers and ready meals nosedived by 41%. The public was livid, and rightly so. You think you’re buying beef, but you’re chowing down on Black Beauty. Tesco pointed the finger at suppliers like Silvercrest, claiming they’d been duped by unapproved sources. But let’s be real: when you’re the biggest supermarket in the UK, you don’t get to play the victim. You’re supposed to know what’s in your supply chain, not just shrug and say, “Oops, must’ve been the Polish meat guys.” The scandal forced the EU to implement DNA testing across the board, but the trust? Shattered. Tesco promised tighter controls and more transparency, but the stench of betrayal lingered like a fart in a lift.

Modern Slavery: The Blood on Your Jeans

But wait, there’s more. Because if financial fraud and food fakery weren’t enough, Tesco’s got a dirty little secret that’s even uglier: modern slavery. Yeah, you heard that right. In 2022, a Guardian investigation blew the lid off Burmese workers in Thailand producing F&F jeans for Tesco, trapped in what can only be described as hell on earth. We’re talking 99-hour weeks for illegally low pay, forced labour, and conditions that’d make a Victorian workhouse look like a spa retreat. These workers, some as young as 15, were sewing your skinny jeans while living in fear, debt, and squalor. And it’s not just Thailand. Reports from India showed similar horrors in spinning mills, with forced labour and abuse rife. Tesco’s response? The usual corporate wank: audits, collaborations with NGOs, and glossy modern slavery statements for 2022, 2023, and 2024. They even ranked highly in anti-slavery benchmarks, but let’s not kid ourselves. Lawsuits are still pending, and 130 former workers from VK Garment Factory are suing Tesco for negligence and unjust enrichment. This isn’t ancient history; this is happening now, in 2025, and it’s a stain that won’t wash out with a few PR stunts.

Screwing the Little Guy

And if you think that’s the end of it, buckle up. Tesco’s been playing fast and loose with suppliers too. In 2016, the Groceries Code Adjudicator found that Tesco knowingly delayed payments to suppliers to artificially boost their financial position. This wasn’t a clerical error; it was a deliberate strategy to screw over the little guy. Some suppliers waited over 24 months for payment, all while Tesco was overstating its profits by that infamous £326 million. Internal emails even encouraged staff to defer payments to hit margin targets. The GCA report was damning, covering June 2013 to February 2015, and Tesco’s apology? As hollow as a chocolate egg. They claimed they’d changed, but the trust was already broken. Suppliers, like customers, don’t forget when you’ve shafted them.

Fake Farms and Other Lies

Let’s not forget the fake farm fiasco. In 2016, Tesco slapped names like Woodside Farms on their own-brand meat, making you think it came from some idyllic countryside setup with rosy-cheeked farmers. Spoiler alert: it didn’t. It was a marketing ploy, pure and simple, and it pissed off a lot of people. The National Farmers’ Union complained, and the Feedback charity threatened legal action for deceptive marketing. Tesco defended it as “branding,” but let’s call it what it is: lying. You’re selling a fantasy, and when the truth comes out, it’s like finding out Santa’s not real, but with more lawsuits.

The Grim Reality

There’s more, of course. Child labour in Bangladesh back in 2006, with kids working 80-hour weeks for £0.05 an hour. Pesticides in Chinese vegetables in 2011. Even selling antisemitic literature in Ireland in 2006. But the big three – accounting fraud, horse meat, and modern slavery – are the ones that really stick in your craw. They’re the ones that show Tesco isn’t just a supermarket; it’s a symbol of everything wrong with corporate Britain. Greed, deception, and exploitation, all wrapped up in a shiny red logo.

So, next time you’re wheeling your trolley down those aisles, remember: every penny you spend is a vote for the kind of world you want to live in. And right now, Tesco’s world is looking pretty fucking grim.

Lee Thompson – Founder, The Cummins Accountability Project

Ce-UnPac’d Special : Tesco Part One – Cooked Books, Horse Meat and Modern Slavery