Cummins has found another enthusiastic volunteer for its Every Employee Every Community programme, which is fortunate because Britain is facing a serious skills shortage.
Dennis still has teeth.
Following the sad and entirely genuine (honestly) passing of Willy Workhorse, responsibility for maintaining the dental health of TCAP’s favourite Golden Collar-winning greyhound has remained dangerously unclear. Willy performed the role with distinction during last year’s EEEC – The Canine Clean-Up, before returning to the production line with mint on his hands and the quiet knowledge that Cummins Corporate Responsibility had probably got a photograph out of it.
Now Cummins has introduced Amy Kriz, an engineer in Seymour, Indiana, whose actual work includes applied mechanics, experimental testing, vibration, strain and fatigue. Better still, she is heavily involved in Cummins’ Every Employee Every Community programme.
Frankly, HR could hardly have designed a stronger candidate.
Amy Kriz Gets The Call
TCAP understands, by which we mean we have completely fucking invented, that Amy Kriz will shortly be flown to Britain carrying one toothbrush, suitable canine toothpaste and a folder marked DENNIS – BUSINESS CRITICAL.
Her engineering background should transfer nicely. Dennis can provide vibration by shaking his head, strain by refusing to open his mouth and fatigue by making Amy wonder why she ever clicked “yes” on the volunteering email.
Willy never enjoyed that level of technical preparation. He was essentially handed a toothbrush, pointed towards a greyhound and told that giving back to the community was one of Cummins’ core values.
The photographer arrived shortly afterwards.
Every Employee, Every Camera
Cummins’ real profile of Amy Kriz is built around community engagement and employee volunteering. Her reasons for helping others appear entirely genuine, which unfortunately means she has wandered into the wrong fucking publication for Corporate Communications.
EEEC has always fascinated TCAP because genuine acts of kindness somehow emerge from the other end of the corporate machine looking like somebody has passed them through Brand Management. Employees volunteer. Communities benefit. Then the camera comes out, the webpage appears and Cummins discovers that caring also photographs beautifully.
The employee brings the humanity.
Cummins brings the metadata.
Dennis brings gingivitis.
The Handover
There will, of course, need to be a proper transition from Willy.
Fortunately, TCAP recovered his original technical documentation, with the last revision completed by Oscar after Willy’s passing.
“DENNIS – WATCH THE FUCKER”.
Amy Kriz should be able to work with that.
By lunchtime, Dennis will have cleaner teeth, Amy will have completed her fictional international assignment and Cummins will have enough community-engagement content to keep LinkedIn warm until Christmas.
Somebody may even call it purpose.
Willy would have fucking hated that.
Just Give It A Try
Cummins ends Amy Kriz’s profile by encouraging employees interested in volunteering to give it a try.
Dennis wholeheartedly agrees.
He has been waiting for a replacement dental technician since Willy’s departure and remains deeply concerned that Cummins’ commitment to community involvement might not extend to six-monthly scale and polish appointments.
So welcome to Britain, Amy.
Ignore the weather.
Ignore Corporate Communications.
The toothbrush is in the case.
Dennis is waiting.
And if anybody asks why an applied-mechanics engineer has crossed the Atlantic to brush a greyhound’s teeth, simply tell them it is Every Employee Every Community.
Apparently caring has KPIs.
Lee Thompson – Founder, The Cummins Accountability Project